The expanse of this blog goes well beyond coffee and parenting advice. This week I’ve decided to tackle the horizontal mambo, the dirty deed – yes, I’m talking about sex. I’m giving you fair warning – if talk of sexuality makes you cringe you may want to sit this one out. It’s about to get real, so I hope you stick around because the message is important.
I’m not going to pretend to be a sexual expert. I’ve had my fair share of experiences over the years and I would consider myself to be “sexually-sound” when it comes to giving advice or talking about it in general.
I have kids – I know how this works.
To be completely honest – I’m writing this because I have kids. Because I am a woman. Because I have a voice on the subject and because I think you should hear it and realize that you have voices as well.
I know the value of coming into your own sexuality. I know how liberating it feels to be with a partner who is comfortable and makes you feel comfortable and safe. I also know, that that is not always the case for everyone, and that truly breaks my heart.
I read an article today that made me stop in my tracks. I had to pick my jaw up off of the ground. I won’t link to it, because who am I to tell people what they can and cannot write about? Plus, I don’t agree with it.
In a nutshell, it was describing the five traits to be a perfect partner in bed – two out of the five were strictly physical traits. No clue if the person was an expert in their field, but in my humble and oh-so-honest opinion, shame on them if they are. Also, I’d like to see the study that backed all of that hullaballoo up.
First of all, there is no ‘secret formula’ out there on how to be the best sexual partner. It’s non-existent and I would challenge anyone, expert or not, who tells me otherwise.
Being a good sexual partner isn’t all about how much motion you throw into the ocean. Sex is about so much more than that, or it’s about exactly that.
That’s the beauty of it.
It’s fun. It’s messy. It doesn’t have to be serious. It doesn’t have to be monogamous. Sex is what you make it. You. You and the person you are choosing to have sex with. Not a magazine, not what your friends tell you, not even me – you and you alone are in charge of your sex-life, your body and your heart.
I do have my own list of what I think is important in a sexual partner/partnership. I say partner/partnership for a couple of reasons – sex shouldn’t be one sided and also because you don’t have to be in a committed relationship to have good sex. Yep, I said it.
Oh, how taboo of me.
So I shall share my list with you – because I think it’s fairly universal and I think people need to hear it.
Settle in kids, here we go.
The things that I think are important if I want to have sex with you, and vice versa:
- Be open-minded and communicate with one another talk about each other’s boundaries.
- Be emotionally supportive with your partner, and they should be emotionally supportive of you as well.
- Have sex with someone who makes you feel beautiful just as you are, and that you do the same for.
- Sexual confidence isn’t dependent on a specific body type, sexual preference, on and on and on – period.
- Be attentive and responsive in your sexual and all other relationships.
- Comfort is key.
- Don’t ever feel pressured if you or your partner isn’t ready. Respect that.
- Be responsible and safe.
- Mutual respect.
- No means no, period.
- Have fun. Seriously – it’s not rocket science.
There you have it. The milk and cookies.
At the end of the day – it’s just the hanky panky. We all got here because of it, whether we want to think about it or not.
Just know that regardless of whether you have kids, are single, married, and the list goes on – you have a voice. You have an opinion. You have the right to explore your own thoughts on the subject regardless of what anyone tells you. Educate yourself so that you can educate others.
Most importantly remember this – you are in charge of your body, no one else.
Now, go make your own list and have fun. You do you, lovelies.