No, I’m Not ‘Trying’ for a Girl

If I had one dollar for every time someone saw me with my three boys and said something like, “Oh, bless your heart. You’ve got your hands full,” or “Wow! You’re outnumbered, are you going to try for a girl?” Or my personal favorite, “It took my sister four boys before she got her girl.” Well, I’d be a millionaire.

Let me clarify before I go on – I am not easily offended, and I’m not offended when people ask variations of this question. Generally, I respond pleasantly and laugh it off. 

At the end of the day though, those questions and the question, “When are you going to have a baby?” are simply insensitive. 

Some people can’t have children, by zero fault of their own.

Some people don’t want to have children, by their own choice.

And some people, namely me, don’t want more children, or to try for a different gender.

I implore people to stop asking these things of others. You could never know someone’s personal situation, and at the end of the day it’s not really anyone else’s business or choice.

By asking me if I’m going to “try for a girl” it implies that I am, or should be, displeased with the three amazing boy humans I received. 
I adore my boys. I’m not trying for a girl. Plus, I have Mackenzie out here, who came ready-made.

I’m not starved for estrogen in my house or ‘missing’ some grand mother-daughter element.

I get to enjoy my humans – who are pretty fantastic, might I add.

This idea of Boys vs. Girls suggests that there is some type of specific value assigned to one gender that the other gender lacks, and that gap should be filled to appease parental needs. For what? Because I’m a woman I should have a girl to pass on my adoration for makeup and the color pink? Or because my husband is a man he should have boys to fulfill his desire to pass on a love for fishing and all things blue?

My husband loves to cook and is the primary cook in our house. He also appreciates a good chick flick. 

I love to build things and play with power tools, and have assembled most of our IKEA furniture. I also enjoy politics and can hold my own with discussions.

“Gender-Norms” only exist if you allow them to.

My boys love dolls and makeup and trucks and video games, because they’ve been encouraged to explore their interests, whatever they may be, so long as they don’t harm others. They appreciate watching musical theater and then turning around and getting dirty. 

They have been taught to know the value of a person, that is not specific to being a woman or a man. They enjoy their individual worlds regardless of gender biases and are full of compassion and understanding.

So no, I’m not going to “try for a girl” – because gender on its own doesn’t bring additional love into a persons life or family – humanity and people do, regardless of their sex.

Please be sensitive when you ask these questions, lovelies. We should give back all the love to others.

Good Sunday vibes, y’all. 

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Without Further Ado…

I’m so happy to finally be able to say this – It’s here! The Witty Bean has received its much needed makeover.

All summer long I have been brainstorming, redesigning, drinking outrageous amounts of coffee and just taking a step back.

I will spare you the assisted virtual tour and just talk about what you can expect! But seriously – click around, *EVERYTHING* is new. It’s like seeing the pirate ship in Goonies for the first time.

  • New Categories – I know, I know. I really liked the “bean” themed categories, but there were a lot – and they got confusing. I did keep “Little Beans” for all of the fun things that happen with the tiny-humans. Since, let’s face it, finding a snake in your backpack is a story that simply has to be told. There are also new categories for travel and writing.
  • New Ways to Interact – Not only with me, but with each other! There will be two new regular weekly posts, Coffee Chat Tuesday and Friday Favorites! I’m also introducing Coffee Review Monthly, where I will review a coffee related item – the tasty brew itself, a new coffee gadget or something you recommend.
  • Updated Social Media – There was a HUGE push to overhaul the Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram pages. So I did. They are all linked at the bottom of the page.
  • Writey Things – I’ve been working diligently…meh, okay trying to work diligently, on my novel, The Traveler and I have finally crested into 30,000 words. Hoorah! The goal is to take all of you on the journey with me through the last 50,000 during NaNoWriMo in November.

So aside from those few *little* things I’ve been working on- we have had a pretty awesome summer. We took a lot of trips in the RV and to the beach. All of the kids have turned another year older. Jack started middle school, Fisher started Kindergarten and Miles has taken a profound interest in repeating swear words. What more could you want from a summer, really?

The last few months have been filled with so many exciting new beginnings and I want to thank my family and friends who have been tireless supporters of me making this dream a reality.

Lastly, this thank you is for you, my dear readers, for your support and patience. Without readers and followers like you, none of this would be possible.

Thank you again and again.

I can’t even right now because I’m so excited for all of this to start moving forward! Stay tuned everyone. Stay tuned.

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My Writing Playlist

I received an email from a reader the other day that asked what my writing playlist was. At first I wanted to say “Supernatural episodes on repeat,” but I knew what she meant.

This got my hamster running. I hadn’t really given much thought to what I listened to specifically when writing. Let me say this though– I am a music tramp. I love listening to anything and everything with a beat. This means that my playlist changes often and is usually random to the naked untrained eye.

So! I am going to share my current playlist that I listen to when I’m doing practically anything that requires me to breathe.

  1. Cassie O’ – George Ezra
  2. Afire Love – Ed Sheeran
  3. One – Ed Sheeran
  4. Hook – Blues Traveler
  5. Better Man – Pearl Jam
  6. Cream – Prince (I was not lying when I gave the random disclosure, wait it gets better)
  7. Midnight Train to Georgia – Gladys Knight
  8. Shake It Off – Taylor Swift
  9. Shut Up and Dance with Me – Walk the Moon
  10. Pony – Ginuine

Seriously. I was not lying. I listen to EVERYTHING – clearly at the same time. I’m ok with that though. Because I’m a perfectionist, I feel like I need to provide the reasoning behind each song and why they are ALL on one list.

The “belt it out” tunes

  • Hook
  • Midnight Train to Georgia

The “I just need five minutes” tunes

  • Afire Love
  • Better Man
  • One

The “dance it out” tunes

  • Shake It Off
  • Cassy O’
  • Pony
  • Shut Up and Dance with Me

And because Prince is the most fabulous creature on the planet – he needs no category. I just love him.