Hisssssssy Fit.

Most people know that the most random things happen to my family. Things that make you go, “Seriously?! Only you.”

So yesterday when I got a call from Jack’s principal that started out as, “Don’t worry. Everyone is fine.” I knew it was going to be a typical Wednesday. She continued to tell me that there had been an incident in Jack’s classroom mere moments before she called. Her recount went something like this,

“This morning when Jack went to take his folder out of his backpack, a baby copperhead snake came out with it. The end.”

The level of NOPE that came from my end of the phone was bordering on insanity.


In a classroom full of 10 year olds no less. She reassured me that everyone was fine and they were thankful that no one was bitten.

Yes. You and me both sister! Especially considering I stuck my hands in and out of that backpack and laid it on my bedroom floor no less than four times that very morning!

Fortunately, they were able to eliminate the snake and checked the classroom for any other signs of Satan himself. Once the phone call wrapped and I began to slip into full on panic mode, I immediately called Sean. His questions flew – “Did it come from the house?” “Did he lay his backpack down somewhere outside?” “Did he pick it up and put it in his backpack?”

I am 99.9% sure all of my answers were along the lines of, “Nope! Nope! I don’t know! I. DONT. KNOW. No. You need to call someone. I. Can’t. Even.”

He was also informed that if Snake the Bounty Hunter determined it came from our house or within a fifty mile radius of it, we would promptly be relocating to Antarctica.

I found myself frozen like a Butterball Turkey at the grocery store. Once the husband hung up with me, all I could think about were all the places the tainted backpack had been in my house. No place was safe. At this point, I was still too far into the “Nope” that I couldn’t get off of the coffee table.

Our house and surrounding area is snake free, by the way. I’m also no longer on the coffee table.

But wait! There’s more. Of course there is.

Because I am a good middle-class subdivision patron, I decided to make a post to our neighborhood Facebook page letting the other parents know. Being a writer, I soothed the language as much as possible, while maintaining updates as we found out more information. All of our kids play outside together. I wanted them to be aware so they could be mindful and keep an eye out.

It was faster. I had good intentions. Damn social media. Little did I know, NBC Charlotte found that post and called me that same afternoon…TO DO A STORY. Yes. That’s right, folks. They wanted an interview and a full video spot on my kid finding a snake in his backpack.

I politely declined, much to the objection of my broadcast journalism pals. You know who you are. There were too many unknown elements that we didn’t have definitive answers on and we didn’t want to cause a bustle within the community.

Yet, this morning – on my personal Facebook page there is a tag from my lovely husband…with a news story…that mentions my child anonymously and his epic incident.

Forever, will our story be told.

Make sure you follow me on Twitter and Facebook if you don’t already for more daily hilarity like this!

photo credit: NOPE via photopin (license)

To Vaccinate or Not…

I am so tired of the vaccination debate.

Parents are getting heated and opinionated, and let’s face it…kids are getting sick unnecessarily. Those are the facts that matter to me, people.

Kids are getting sick with illnesses that shouldn’t be around. That haven’t been around in decades. Why? Because a generation decided it was a bad idea to vaccinate? What changed? Honestly…can someone tell me, because I don’t know.

If one person can tell me honestly with facts and data what changed…I will eat crow, which everyone knows I hate.

My primary concern behind this entire debate will be always be the impact on our kids. Shame on the parents who are throwing their children into the mix of this for publicity.

It is not my place to say what parents should or shouldn’t do. If you’re going to vaccinate – great, and if you’re not going to vaccinate – great. But either way, be respectful human beings to the other parties opinion and don’t use your kids as a case study to fuel your opinion. They just need you to be a parent, not a lobbyist.

Most of you know my advice on these types of debacles. Be informed. Educate yourself. But I have an extra step for this one…Be understanding.

Understand that immune-compromised children cannot be around unvaccinated children because it could be detrimental to their health. So if you choose not to vaccinate, think about the repercussions of sending your kid to public school. On the same note, if you are a parent with a child who cannot be around unvaccinated kids, you should do the same.

Understand that not everything you read on the internet is true. Do vaccines cause Autism? I don’t know. Some say yes, some say no. But here’s an article that might shed some light on what Autism Speaks thinks.

Understand that as humans, we all share this planet and regardless of opinions and differences, we need to be respectful to our fellow humans and their offspring.

I don’t expect to change anyones mind on the vaccination debate. That isn’t my goal here. My goal is to raise awareness for parents on the fence to educate themselves on both views before making a decision that fits their family.

This is one that is going to define our generation…and is already starting to do so. My opinion and what I do for my kids is irrelevant for this post. But I can say, I have friends who vaccinate and friends who don’t. They’re still my friends. And they’re good parents.

Now. Please stop blowing up my social media. I love you all, but I’m ready to see fun posts again. Not heated debates. I’ve only got a year until election time rolls around – let me enjoy it.



The Things I Want My Boys to Know About Women and Relationships

I started thinking about the things I want my boys to know about women and by extension, relationships. I journeyed down this particular path after my oldest tiny-human brought home the dreaded permission slip. You know the one, the one that I have to sign allowing permission for the school to teach him about…puberty.

They also teach them about the opposite gender’s reproductive system and body changes, which made me incredibly nervous. Not for the fact that he is going to see boobies along with the dreadful Texas Longhorn-ish photo we all know too well depicting our uteruses; but more because we as women, are so much more complex than our reproductive organs.

There are things I want my boys to know about women that go beyond physical changes. I pride myself on being a mother who teaches my boys to be open minded, emotional, freethinking men. I don’t want them to have a misogynistic view of the world and I don’t want them to feel confused by women or relationships.

And so, in the midnight hours, I started jotting down my list. It grew from my thoughts on women to my thoughts on relationships as well.

  • All women are beautiful. It does not matter what size they are or what color skin they have. Repeat after me, all women are beautiful.
  • Beauty is also on the inside. Trust me when I say that not everyone has this quality, beware. Guard your heart, but stay open to love.
  • Women are not delicate creatures. Women are tough, strong-minded and powerful. It is okay to have powerful women in your life. Encourage them to stay that way and support them, always.
  • Women are EMOTIONAL – and that is okay. Remember, it is okay for you to show those same emotions.
  • Women are not always right. Admitting that in text on a public forum tastes a lot like crow. You are not always right either. Know when to stand your ground and know when to stop an argument.
  • Chivalry will never be outdated. It will always be appreciated so don’t let this wane, even as you grow with another person.
  • In relationships you become another person’s rock. But they should also be yours. Supporting one another is key.
  • Relationships are hard. Like, really hard. It takes two people working day and night to make it last. Don’t give up on things easily, even if you might want to.
  • Lies are lies. No matter how small they may seem, lies and closed doors are toxic to a relationship. Stay open and communicate effectively with one another.
  • Be yourself and let your partner be their self. Accept both and remember you can never fully love someone else until you love yourself first.
  • One day you will say, “I love you,” to someone other than your relatives. ALWAYS mean it, and NEVER take it for granted. Don’t say it just to say it or because you have nothing else to say…there’s a word for those moments, and it’s supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

There it is. My motherly list of simple things I want my boys to know in these departments. At least these are the things I think are important right now. Like most things in my life, I expect this list to grow and change with the seasons, but for now, this will do just fine.

A bit of additional reading. I read a great article yesterday about the differences between mature and immature relationships (article linked here). I was proud to say that the Hubs and I fell into the ‘mature’ category. Yay for adulthood!