If I had one dollar for every time someone saw me with my three boys and said something like, “Oh, bless your heart. You’ve got your hands full,” or “Wow! You’re outnumbered, are you going to try for a girl?” Or my personal favorite, “It took my sister four boys before she got her girl.” Well, I’d be a millionaire.
Let me clarify before I go on – I am not easily offended, and I’m not offended when people ask variations of this question. Generally, I respond pleasantly and laugh it off.
At the end of the day though, those questions and the question, “When are you going to have a baby?” are simply insensitive.
Some people can’t have children, by zero fault of their own.
Some people don’t want to have children, by their own choice.
And some people, namely me, don’t want more children, or to try for a different gender.
I implore people to stop asking these things of others. You could never know someone’s personal situation, and at the end of the day it’s not really anyone else’s business or choice.
By asking me if I’m going to “try for a girl” it implies that I am, or should be, displeased with the three amazing boy humans I received.
I adore my boys. I’m not trying for a girl. Plus, I have Mackenzie out here, who came ready-made.
I’m not starved for estrogen in my house or ‘missing’ some grand mother-daughter element.
I get to enjoy my humans – who are pretty fantastic, might I add.
This idea of Boys vs. Girls suggests that there is some type of specific value assigned to one gender that the other gender lacks, and that gap should be filled to appease parental needs. For what? Because I’m a woman I should have a girl to pass on my adoration for makeup and the color pink? Or because my husband is a man he should have boys to fulfill his desire to pass on a love for fishing and all things blue?
My husband loves to cook and is the primary cook in our house. He also appreciates a good chick flick.
I love to build things and play with power tools, and have assembled most of our IKEA furniture. I also enjoy politics and can hold my own with discussions.
“Gender-Norms” only exist if you allow them to.
My boys love dolls and makeup and trucks and video games, because they’ve been encouraged to explore their interests, whatever they may be, so long as they don’t harm others. They appreciate watching musical theater and then turning around and getting dirty.
They have been taught to know the value of a person, that is not specific to being a woman or a man. They enjoy their individual worlds regardless of gender biases and are full of compassion and understanding.
So no, I’m not going to “try for a girl” – because gender on its own doesn’t bring additional love into a persons life or family – humanity and people do, regardless of their sex.
Please be sensitive when you ask these questions, lovelies. We should give back all the love to others.
Good Sunday vibes, y’all.