Hisssssssy Fit.

Most people know that the most random things happen to my family. Things that make you go, “Seriously?! Only you.”

So yesterday when I got a call from Jack’s principal that started out as, “Don’t worry. Everyone is fine.” I knew it was going to be a typical Wednesday. She continued to tell me that there had been an incident in Jack’s classroom mere moments before she called. Her recount went something like this,

“This morning when Jack went to take his folder out of his backpack, a baby copperhead snake came out with it. The end.”

The level of NOPE that came from my end of the phone was bordering on insanity.

A. SNAKE. CAME. OUT. OF. MY. CHILD’S. BACKPACK…

In a classroom full of 10 year olds no less. She reassured me that everyone was fine and they were thankful that no one was bitten.

Yes. You and me both sister! Especially considering I stuck my hands in and out of that backpack and laid it on my bedroom floor no less than four times that very morning!

Fortunately, they were able to eliminate the snake and checked the classroom for any other signs of Satan himself. Once the phone call wrapped and I began to slip into full on panic mode, I immediately called Sean. His questions flew – “Did it come from the house?” “Did he lay his backpack down somewhere outside?” “Did he pick it up and put it in his backpack?”

I am 99.9% sure all of my answers were along the lines of, “Nope! Nope! I don’t know! I. DONT. KNOW. No. You need to call someone. I. Can’t. Even.”

He was also informed that if Snake the Bounty Hunter determined it came from our house or within a fifty mile radius of it, we would promptly be relocating to Antarctica.

I found myself frozen like a Butterball Turkey at the grocery store. Once the husband hung up with me, all I could think about were all the places the tainted backpack had been in my house. No place was safe. At this point, I was still too far into the “Nope” that I couldn’t get off of the coffee table.

Our house and surrounding area is snake free, by the way. I’m also no longer on the coffee table.

But wait! There’s more. Of course there is.

Because I am a good middle-class subdivision patron, I decided to make a post to our neighborhood Facebook page letting the other parents know. Being a writer, I soothed the language as much as possible, while maintaining updates as we found out more information. All of our kids play outside together. I wanted them to be aware so they could be mindful and keep an eye out.

It was faster. I had good intentions. Damn social media. Little did I know, NBC Charlotte found that post and called me that same afternoon…TO DO A STORY. Yes. That’s right, folks. They wanted an interview and a full video spot on my kid finding a snake in his backpack.

I politely declined, much to the objection of my broadcast journalism pals. You know who you are. There were too many unknown elements that we didn’t have definitive answers on and we didn’t want to cause a bustle within the community.

Yet, this morning – on my personal Facebook page there is a tag from my lovely husband…with a news story…that mentions my child anonymously and his epic incident.

Forever, will our story be told.

Make sure you follow me on Twitter and Facebook if you don’t already for more daily hilarity like this!

photo credit: NOPE via photopin (license)

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