Survival Instinct. Well, kind of.

I have this great little book from the San Francisco Writer’s Grotto called 642 Things to Write About. It’s phenomenal for breaking through writer’s block…and sometimes just writing hilarious stuff because you feel like it.

One particular prompt really sparked my interest while watching The Walking Dead.

I thought, “Ok Ash, you can take this one of two ways. 1) Be completely serious or 2) Create total debauchery”…I elected to do both.

I now present to you, “10 things to do in an emergency, the zombie apocalypse or when you run out of wine and the WiFi is out”

1. Find Water. I hear this is important, our bodies are 70% water, so it seems like we should replenish it. Or you could do wine, because grapes are fruit and that’s equally important.

2. Stay Calm. Panicking is not going to make anything better. Take note of how people act in horror movies and do the exact opposite. Plus, there is no way to post  to Social Media if you’re freaking out like a total sissy.

3. Find Food. You have to eat and maintain energy. I would recommend going for chocolate and/or cereal.

4. Get in the right mindset. Stay optimistic. You know you have to be a rocking’ badass, so do it.

5. Find Supplies. You’re going to need things other than food and water. It might not seem like it, but things like batteries, rope and medical supplies are important. Also remember, coloring books and the perfect ink pens are important too…I like LePen brand.

6. Find Shelter. Elements and weather are not kind in emergency situations. After all, when it rains it pours. Making sure you stay dry and have a safe place to sleep, recover or charge your electronics can drastically improve your mood.

7. Secure Weapons. Zombies and traitorous bitches don’t go down with hugs and kisses. What? You also need hair ties.

8. Find Other Survivors. Unless you want to end up like Tom Hanks in Cast Away with Wilson, you should try and find people who can help you survive. This is a good point to insert a Daryl Dixon reference. If you come across a rugged hottie with a crossbow and a southern accent, recruit. Recruit immediately.

9. Determine Next Steps. Make a plan of action. If you can’t stay put and hunker down for a while, plan out what you’re going to do in order to stay safe and keep steady supplies coming in. Pillage and plunder.

10. Secure a location. While this may sound similar to shelter, it’s not. You can make shelter anywhere, but finding a safe location where you can stay for an extended amount of time is important. Go for places like Double Tree Hotels, they give you free cookies – avoid places like Woodbury from Walking Dead, they do not give cookies.

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